Do you ever feel like you’re living for money?
We struggle constantly to have more by doing more work (for most, work that we don’t like).
10+ hour days, five or sometimes 6 days a week (I’m not going to even mention the unfortunate souls at 7 a week) and we’re miserable…
Because we want, NO, because we need to have that money.
It happened to me.
I did jobs in my 20’s that I absolutely hated (including working for this horrible, bully boss girl for 2 years!) even though I knew in my gut from day one it was wrong.
But know what, even knowing all that, I stayed! Because it paid more.
And I hated it. And hated myself for selling out, all for the goal of “get more money”.
…CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not some fool. I am aware of how much easier life is when you have money…
- You pay the bills with it…
- Provide for your children’s future…
- Allows you the freedom to travel, literally, anywhere else…
- Enables you to buy things you want
- Puts food on your table and a roof over your head, and your family’s
You get where I’m going with this.
What I am trying to say is not that money isn’t something you need.
Disclaimer: I have to say that right now, I’m lucky. To be doing what I love and being paid for it. I’m grateful for that; to have enough money.
What I am trying to say is that maybe we need to reframe how we think about our relationship with money.
Just like I frequently ask you to reframe your relationship with food.
Because there’s always this need to have more. It’s basically what society is teaching us from day one.
And that need leads us to forget who we truly are, or what we truly want to do.
I’m really lucky and truly happy that I’ve found my passion, and am going after my dreams. I work hard for it.
But it wasn’t always like that. And I know it’s not like that for others.
MY MONEY MISERY
One of the things that my coaching has taught me, around helping others with their issues with food and even my own struggles with bulimia, is that my relationship with money is just as problematic.
My emotional attachment to money goes all the way back to a single event when I was 10 years old.
It was a truly traumatic family experience; a massive fight. It’s something that, in my adult life I’ve realized I’m still having difficulty working through.
So I would truly love to share the details, but I’m just not there yet…
And that’s ok.
I’m working on it. Trying to heal.
What I can say is that event created a major childhood wound within me.
I grew up in a household of lacking, everything was always lacking.
One of the few things we didn’t lack at home, was fear.
Fear: from my parents around money.
There was always a lack of money. Which meant there was a lack of calmness. A lack of food and security.
Not just within the home, either, but within me.
I always felt like I was lacking. My personality (sort of a nerdy intellectual) didn’t fit into our family traditions.
So I felt not good enough. I couldn’t be the person I felt like inside.
MONEY IS AN ADDICTION
And I think the fear within me, and lack of self-worth grew inside until at some point, I was suffering from an eating disorder long into adulthood.
Of course, once I was 20, I had also developed a separate problem: a shopping addiction.
I was in law school, and I was spending…all my money on clothes.
But, Jetty, you’re thinking…what do you mean by “all your money?”
Good question! Here’s an example:
If I found a pair of jeans that I loved, and that I thought fit me well. I bought them. And then, I bought every single color they came in!
Now, don’t get me wrong, I still like nice stuff. I live in a beautiful house. And I drive a nice car and I buy good clothes…
But I’m not buying 10 freaking pairs of the same thing anymore!
And that’s what we do. We wind up with addiction, drinking too much, “partying”, gambling, even cheating on loved ones…all because we’re unhappy.
Driven by this idea that we need more money.
Yes, we need money. But what I realized recently, is what we’re really driven by is the obsession of needing money.
HOW WE BREAK FREE
The reality is: there’s always enough money. Just like there is always enough food.
But we get scared. We do whatever it takes to make more, so we can spend more.
We pig out on the whole cake, because hey, YOLO, right?!
Then tomorrow, we’re on the diet again. Or guilty about the credit card, so we’re super-saving, until that next rush comes along…
It’s a vicious cycle. One that we have the power to break.
And that’s what I wanted to tell you guys. Try to take that first step to letting that need go.
In fact, I would love it if you would reach out, take that first step with me.
We can practice really feeling the difference between wants, and needs.
And it will create a feeling of freedom!
Because, just maybe, like with food, we don’t need as much money as we think.
Start pushing yourself to go after your dreams. Letting that attachment go, and knowing the money will come.
It’s almost like you already have it.